stress - a physical or psychological stimulus that can produce mental tension or pyschological reactions that may lead to illness.

my nose bled yesterday for the first time in over two years.  the past few days i have been so stressed out about everything from school to family to friends to finance to boyfriend to future....everything.  i finally broke down in tears and my nose bled.

i am tired of trying to please everyone, i can barely please myself.  i just need to be alone, to reflect and to grasp the meanings that are intended for me....

just let me be

for the first time in a long time, i can truly say..."i am happy"

usually when there is something going good in my life a flaw always found its way to emerge and diminish what was going good by overshadowing everything that was pleasant.

and tomorrow is my 20th birthday..

dreading for this day to come because i felt like i should have much more accomplished by the time i reach this age,  i would go back and forth questioning what went wrong or what is going wrong in my life, when there is nothing going astray...

i always looked for that darkness of uneasiness, im not used to this... not used to this affable world of utopia that is happening..

i feel complete...yet waiting for that imperfection to be at comfort

Hi everyone!...dang, it has been a long time since I have posted a new entry.  I decided to do one today, now that I have the time to...

Lets see, where do I start.

Usually, actually I never really try to write about my life on xanga through words and sentences that people understand.  This was a page for me to just fuel my anger, let go of some emotions, or share some thoughts.  The past few entries, I know people didnt understand.  Sorry, it wasnt really there for you to understand (those who question me).  But, I do enjoy those who read and comment.   Thank you.

My life seems so busy, even though I do not have a real job.  School is tough and very time consuming.  This semester I am taking six classes, which does not include the two labs that are scheduled for the three hours taken out of two of my days. There is also Academic Advising, meeting with my advisor, and just doing the homework.

Schedule:          Chemistry 105 : Mon., Wed, Fri. 8-9:05am

                         Aerobics : Mon, Wed, 11:15-12:20

                         Human Anatomy 206 : Mon, Wed, Fri. 12:30-1:35

                         Health & Food : Tues., Thurs. 1:40-2:35

                         Psychology 113 : Tues., Thurs. 11:55-12:55

                         Writing 101 : Tues., Thurs. 3:40-5:30 

                          HA Lab: Thurs. 8-10:50am

                          Chem Lab : Wed.  2-4:30 (sometimes)  

                          Advising : Wed. 9:30-whenever              

What motivates me to do this everyday is the fact that I only have two more months to go! My last day is May 20! Then NEW YORK, May 27 for my cousin's wedding!

I am contemplating on if I should stay there for the weekend (like the rest of my family because my sis has school), for 3 weeks, or for the whole summer.  I dont know what I am basing my decisions on....personal things I guess.

I am going to have to end here even though I have a lot more to say....

Things are getting to me, emotionally.

I think too much.

~> melody